


can't blame me for trying

by serenesavagery (DivergentElf)



Category: Marvel, Marvel Adventures: Avengers, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, Fluff, Hospitalization, Hospitals, M/M, Nurses & Nursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-17 08:13:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13655031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivergentElf/pseuds/serenesavagery
Summary: Either April's Fool came early, or Christmas came early.Really though, either way, Steve Rogers hit the jackpot when his drugged patient wanted to fight him.(Not that they actually got into a fight, they loved each other very happily and became soulmates.No, really, they did.)





	can't blame me for trying

" _Fight me_." 

Steve blinked. 

Once. Twice.

Either way, he blinked at the very much venemous voice coming from under the pillow castle. 

"Come on, bi'guy, whatcha so 'fraid of? 'Fraid a tiny lil' fella like me can _kic_ ' your ass?!" 

Steve didn't know whether to laugh at this man or cry at his misfortune even as he busily checked the patient's vitals. 

Steve blinked again and he was positive that within ten seconds, his eyelids would scream out in pain in their own way because of how much blinking he was doing. 

He looked at the patient, then at the clipboard containing the patient's vitals. 

The patient. Then the clipboard. 

The patient and then the clipboard. 

Patient. 

Clipboard. 

"You've gotta be kidding me." Steve breathed out, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

Because really, this guy was Tony Stark? 

As in, _multi-billionare genius Tony Stark_? 

Steve hadn't recognised him, which had probably to do with the fact that the guy made an utterly adorable pillow mountain and he couldn't place the voice either. 

No wonder. 

Steve shook his head.

 _"Business, Rogers,"_  he reminded himself sternly.

He walked up to the patient's bed and removed the pillows, even as Mr. Stark growled (adorably, he'll admit) and pawed at the pillows, evidently in need of their feathery comfort. 

"Figh' me, _bi'guy_!" Mr. Stark whined again. 

Steve couldn't not smile at the sight of this very good looking man looking even more adorable than a baby kitten in the alley.

(He'd know a thing or two about alleys and alley inhabitants as Bucky has bemoaned on more than one occasion.) 

Steve felt a little too mischevious, patting Mr. Stark's arm, but hey, if not for the fact that the man needed privacy, Steve would probably coo over this incident, live tweet it and make a hashtag screaming on how cute some people could be. 

Then again....He wasn't Bucky for humiliating people at their most vulnerable.

Who knew, maybe Mr. Stark would be embarrassed after this, even though he was crying out for the pillows right now. 

 _He_ would be, for sure. 

Though Mr. Stark was way too adorable. 

"I said, figh' me!" His patient whined and Steve screwed his eyes shut, trying not to laugh even as he felt himself shaking with laughter. 

Steve couldn't help it, he grinned widely and shook his head. "Maybe later, Mr. Stark. For now, you need to take your medication." 

Mr. Stark pouted and Steve wanted to pinch the man's cheeks for god's sake. 

"Rogers! Get over here already!" Doctor Banner shouted from the door. 

Steve ran away thankfully, his shoulders shaking with laughter. 

Dr. Banner looked unimpressed. "What happened, Steve?" He asked, looking all-suffering. 

Steve felt he probably shouldn't feel such an alarming lack of guilt since the doctor was a poor soul, and yet, it was not every day you got to see a celebrity make an adorable mess of themselves.

Particularly a celebrity you've had a crush on for a while. 

Steve shook his head and bit on his lip. "Uh, nothing Dr. Banner." He lied. 

Dr. Banner only sighed. "Just, get out of whatever distraction you're in, and get to the patients."  

"Right." Steve said, running off. 

 

When Steve checked on his patient again after a short while, he wasn't disappointed. 

Mr. Stark was now leaning against the wall, pouting away as he swung his legs up and down. 

Steve shook his head again and smiled. "Hey, Mr. Stark. How are you feeling right now?" 

"Fuckin' peachy- hey, it's you big guy." 

Well at least his speech wasn't as slurred as it was before. 

Steve misses the adorable moments already. 

" _Fight_ me." Mr. Stark says seriously, a little drool edging from his mouth. 

And that gets Steve grinning again within a heartbeat. 

"No, Mr. Stark. I don't think I'd win even if I tried." Steve says fondly before his brain (aka Bucky's voice) can yell at his idiocy. 

Mr. Stark's face controrts into the most heartbreaking pout Steve has ever seen. 

And it was more heartbreaking than the pout Clint from the CCU sent at Dr. Banner whenever their dates get cancelled. 

"Oh." Mr. Stark says now, blinking and staring at the floor in the pitiful way a child does whenever they've done something wrong. 

Steve feels like his face is melting. 

"Maybe tomorrow?" Steve jokes, taking his clipboard, sending a smile to the man. 

Mr. Stark's face brightens up. "Reeeallyyy, big guyyy-" he slurs again before falling flop on the bed face first. 

Steve chuckles, ignoring how his face is hot as he walks out. 

* * *

 

Tony wakes up with a splitting headache and a groan. 

Ow. That's _definitely not_ his back breaking a bone. 

Tony blinks. 

Why was he in a hospital- 

 

_Gala, Tiberius being a jerk ass, Pepper screaming, half drunk-_

_"Tony, no-"_

_"Tony, yes, honeybear, don't get in my way, Stone deserves this, it's bad enough he's doing this to the company, he's got to do it to Pepper too, I'm going to show him what Turkish wrestling looks likeee-"_

_"Man, you're half drunk, no Tony-"_

 

_"Broken, bleeding nose, concussion-"_

_"Mr. Stark-"_

Tony blinks. 

That last voice sounded _very_ arousing. 

Tony scratched his head as he thought harder. 

_"I don't think I'd win even if I tried."_

A big blonde guy. Very warm smile and sexy voice. 

Tony groaned again as he hid his face behind his hand. 

Had he made a fool of himself in front of a nurse while drugged? God. 

And a hot nurse at that... 

_"Not important! Bad. Tony."_

Tony shook his head, taking a deep inhale and rubbing his forehead with closed eyes while he was it. 

Something on the table caught his attention the second he opened his eyes. 

Also, the familiar smell of very well brewed coffee invaded his nostrils and he inhaled again, this time in bliss. 

It was a red coffee cup with a quote on it. In gold. 

Now how the heck did a cup containing the nectar of the gods contain his favorite colours? 

Tony got up, wincing at his head whizzing around the second he got up. 

He blinked. There was a paper near the cup with a pen on it. 

Tony shook his head, the annoying buzz still bugging his entire body as he took the paper and tried to make sense of the calligraphy-like handwriting on it. 

_"Hi, Mr. Stark!!"_

Two exclamation marks. 

God save him. Whoever wrote this was definitely a teddy bear. (Not as good as Rhodey though.)

_"I don't know if you remember me now, but this should jog your memory:_

_Fight me after calling this number?_

Tony's face turned a very interesting shade of red at that. 

He had asked the nurse to fight him when he was drunk, hadn't he? 

Tony face palmed. 

The nurse remembered his embarrassing ass and wanted to keep in touch. 

Some people truly, were too good for this world, Tony thought, tearing the numbered paper from the whole paper and putting it in his pant pocket. 

_Also, hope this coffee is good, it's the only decent coffee around here, I hope you like it? I'm so sorry if it's horrible, I mean, you must've tasted better coffee!_

And there was a red panicked frowny face, _god_. 

Could this guy get any cuter? 

_The cup though, it was given to me by a colleague who seemed to know you, his name's Loki. If it's infuriating, break it. Loki is like that. Even if he doesn't know a guy, he sure knows how to infuriate the poor fellow._

Tony laughed as he practically felt the disapproval emit from those words. He would have to thank this Loki dude if he saw him. 

_If this note seems stupid, please burn it up and right out of your memory. I'm so sorry if I came off as embarrassing here!_

_-Steve Rogers."_

Tony couldn't help the stupid grin that broke across his face. 

So the hot nurse was a literal definition of a giant teddy bear, was so earnest that he could put all of Disney's characters to shame and was considerate. 

Tony laughed a little, feeling his eyes crinkle with mirth as he took the cup and drank the coffee from it. 

Tony stared at the cup curiously, stopping his sipping the coffee for a second. 

(Whoever this Loki guy was, he must be a master psychic.)

Somehow, Tony thought as he sipped the delicious coffee, he had managed to seduce a hot nurse through drunken bravado, drool and pillow forts. 

"Go me." Tony couldn't help saying out loud. 

* * *

 

 

Steve wanted to slap himself the next time his brain got giddy at the sound of his phone ringing. 

It had been an hour since he had gone home. All he had done was restlessly fidget every time his phone rang, even though it wasn't Mr. Stark. 

Mr. Stark wasn't gonna call a loser like him, damn it, he didn't even know why he slaved away at writing that note.

But there had been that earnest part of him which had at least wanted to _try,_ so he wouldn't kick himself for losing a chance at trying to get to know the guy he had a crush on and who weirdly enough, became the cutest patient he had ever worked on. 

Steve sighed, taking a sip of his soda as he answered the phone. "Hello?" He asked, ignoring how glum his voice was. 

_"Well, hello there Rogers. You wanted to fight me?"_

Steve choked on his air. Either he was going fucking deaf or that was, by shitty luck's grace, actually  _Tony motherfucking Stark's voice on the phone._

 _(_ Clint's surprised  _"you kiss your mother with that mouth Rogers?"_ swam through his head but Steve couldn't care a hang for that shit.)

_"Uh, you still there, or is this the wrong number or something-"_

"No, no, you've got the right number, uh," Steve couldn't speak, his voice felt dry. 

_"Considering that you've been impressed enough with me to give me my number after having seen me drunk on drugs, I think you can call me Tony, only if I have the honour of calling you Steve because fuck, your voice is good, oh my god, where are my manners, Pep's gonna kill me-"_

Steve laughed, not minding the cough plague that followed.

"You know what, you're even cuter sober." 

Steve blinked. Had he said that out loud? 

_"Grown men are not cute, and since I'm a grown ass man, I don't do cute, you clearly haven't seen how suave I can be._

Steve inhaled in relief. Thank god, he hadn't messed up if Mr, wait, god,  _Tony's_ voice sounded playful.

"Yeah, I'm looking forward to seeing that." Steve said in a tone he hoped came out challenging. 

_"How about we meet at the boring hospital and I give you the night of your life, Thursday evening?"_

Steve leaned back against his sofa. "Surprise me." He said casually, or at least as casually as he could. 

_"Oh I think the proper phrase is 'pleasure me', handsome. Toodles, Rogers."_

Steve stared at his phone and couldn't stop himself from whooping. And falling off the sofa in the process. 

Just then the door opened, and Bucky entered, raising his eyebrows or at least Steve thought, since the world just turned upside down and that wasn't just a metaphor. 

"Any particular reason why I heard you making a stupid war cry and why I'm seeing you making a doggy pose on the floor?" Bucky asked in a tone as deadpan as he could be, walking inside with his grocery bags. 

Steve smirked as he stood up. "I got a date with Tony Stark, why shouldn't I let out a war cry?" He asked triumphantly. 

Bucky had three reactions. 

He blinked. 

He gaped and dropped the groceries. 

And laughed in disbelief. 

"You _fucking didn't_." Bucky said, having a horrified slash disbelieving look on his face. 

Steve grinned. "I did tell you he was my patient on the phone." He said, preening a little. 

"Steve, you don't date your patients!" Bucky said, throwing up his hands. 

Steve shrugged, still grinning. "I date this one patient."

Bucky blinked, finally realising Steve wasn't playing him and then grinned like a Cheshire Cat, running up to his best friend and patting him on the back. 

"You fucking smooth player, I didn't think you had it in you!" Bucky said, grinning. 

Steve's grin only turned smug. "What can I say, I learned from the best Casanova there was." 

Bucky chortled. 

 

_Some four months later..._

"Ever imagined I'd be showing you the Ice Age saga of all things on a date?" Steve asked, putting his arm around his boyfriend. 

Tony shrugged, popping a popcorn kernel in his mouth. "I was only interested in the alarmingly earnest nurse, who was hot which was a bonus. Plus, if anyone got seduced by me making pillow forts in the hospital, they're my soulmate." 

Steve laughed as Bucky gagged from the dining table. 

"I will hit Barnes with a wrench if he ruins this date. This date is special because we're having it at your house and I will, in addition to the wrench, add a hammer to the 'whack Barnes' kit." Tony said casually. 

Steve chortled as Bucky blew a raspberry at Tony, who made a face by pulling down an eye and blowing an equally offending raspberry. 

"Still as cute as ever." Steve murmured in Tony's ear. 

Tony tried to fight the smile on his lips even as he grumbled about how much older he was than Steve. 

 

 

 

 

**_ Extra:  _ **

****"Rogers."

Steve tried to suppress the shivers that screamed out their desire to go down his spine at the sound of that voice. 

"Loki." Steve said, candidly, turning back. 

"Did your boyfriend like that cup?" Loki asked casually, sucking on a lollipop. 

Steve screwed his eyes shut. "I already thanked you for giving me that cup, heck even Tony's come around personally to do that, why do you think we thanked you?" 

Loki smirked. "Details. You do know what that means, right?" 

Steve blinked before his eyes widened in horror. 

Loki grinned, getting up from his chair. "I expect you to be at my beck and call, Rogers!" He said wickedly, walking off. 

Clint, just then, walked up to where a horrified Steve was standing. "Dude, you okay?" Clint asked, as concerned as could be. 

"I just got myself into Loki's debt of all the nonsense, how okay can I be?" Steve snapped, despite himself. 

Clint whistled. "Man, you got it bad. How long?" 

Steve gulped. "No idea." 

Clint shrugged. "At least he got you laid." He said, nonchalantly. 

Steve exhaled, trying hard not to stomp Clint's foot. 

**Author's Note:**

> Uh hi, first Avengers fic! Hope that if you read it to the end, you liked it and I don't mind at all if you could tell me that! (PS, Civil War is non-existent in my brain)


End file.
